Being a single parent SUCKS!
Most days I'm fine. Most days I just live my life. But then something happens and I realize how hard this is to do alone. My ex and I might TRY to work together to parent our kids, but really it's two separate efforts.
There are days I just want someone to turn to, someone to console me when I'm sad or to comfort me when I'm exhausted. There are days when it is just too much, when I've done all I can do and there is still so much left undone and I'm the only Superhero within shouting distance who can come to the rescue. There really is no one else to take up the slack; I'm the only responsible adult here.
Generally, it's okay. I don't mind parenting alone. In fact, I'm used to it. My ex was gone so much when we were married that I hardly even noticed when we separated. The only thing that made his absence truly stand out was that our fights were louder. Oh, and I had less furniture.
So honestly, I can do these things alone. But at the end of a hard day when I collapse into bed tired and despondent and worried as hell that my kids are going to grow up miserable and misguided because of all we've done to them -- those are the days when I wish I had someone in my corner. I wish there was someone who would put ME first, or at least near the top of the list. I wish there was someone who cared when I was feeling overwhelmed. I wish there was someone who didn't always WANT something from me but who was content just to be there for me. In no way do I want to rush this experience of "relationship" again; that has been an unmitigated disaster! The longing I have is probably more ethereal and less real. It's a dream that has no resolution or satisfaction.
Still, I continue to dream....
2 comments:
There are a number of us who care, for what it is worth, even though we do so at a distance :)
Thanks Arecibo. It's worth a lot to me. You've been where I am. You know how it goes...divorce sucks.
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