Where Earthy Meets Eternal: My Homemade Christmas

Today I Am Thankful for...

Bizarre Statements

"I just ran over a frog with my scooter and now ants are eating its insides."
"We worship the string cheese of Aphrodite!"
"Your anal glands are becoming the bane of this entire household!"
"The neighbors shall cower in fear at my trebuchet-building genius!"
"Ok, who created the chlorine explosives in the garage?"
"God HELP the next person who waves their butt at me!"
"Let me hear you say 'Flint musket!'"
"If I catch you shaving the dog again, you won't be conquering the Norse for a long time!"