Hope Is a Gaping Hole

There is a gaping hole, still; a void that was never here before. In this fully wonderful life that I lead, I opened up and made room for you because I wanted to, because love always has more room to share. But the withdrawal was so intense and so devastating, torn away from me so harshly, that love flaps like a deflated balloon. That space created just for you still there, and will probably always be there for you in some way, but it feels like an empty home that's been vandalized.

Rather than trying to scoop meaningless flotsam into the void, I'm just sitting here holding this "thing" - this empty sphere, just sitting with it and feeling its emptiness. What other choice do I have?

I'm getting on with life because I have to, because I have other things, other people that I love, who love me, who depend on me and ignoring all of it isn't a choice. Or at least isn't a choice I would make. But I wonder about you every single day. I think of you. I dream of you. And I know I'll never see you again. Never hold you. Never feel you breathing against me. Never feel your hands or hear you whisper to me. Never see your smile. Never hear your thoughts. But I still hold your soul. Pieces of you stay with me, will be with me forever. Nothing can change that.