Complicate Me

Because I can't just  keep it simple; because if there is a can of worms somewhere, you can bet I will open it; because if there are thoughts I have that have gone unexpressed I will indeed spill them eventually; because I can never just let things rest, I HAVE to poke the sleeping alligator.

After the bizarre events of the last few months, I really thought I was going to go on strike and just give up on men for awhile. In fact, most of my friends have advised me as such and I thought that was a good idea....for about 24 hours.

Then I got real with myself.

I am not the kind of woman who goes on strike from men for very long, even if it seems like a good idea. It's just not me. There is something to be said for having some time and space to oneself, but that is when I find someone simple who won't complicate me. I know a few guys that I see from time to time who fit that description so that covers it.

Then, there is the guy I've taken to calling "Afghaniman."

Have you ever met someone that you tuned into so well that it was almost a little scary? Someone who seemed so compatible especially physically, that you were drawn to so powerfully that it was almost impossible to control? This is scary stuff coming out of my mouth because I'm powerfully drawn to several people and my sex drive is probably worse than a typical 18 year old boy. But that is another attractive quality about this man: my intense physicality doesn't scare him; in fact, he seems to enjoy it! That is RARE!

In the past my physical intensity has scared men away. Some men mistakenly think I am in love with them because I am powerfully drawn to them physically; others are just not up to the challenge of a woman like me who, in addition to being a physical person in general, is an intensely physical woman who is in her sexual prime. There has hardly been a day that's gone by in the past year that I could say I felt sexually satisfied. I could count those times on MAYBE two hands. Maybe.

So, to meet a man who seems not only CAPABLE of that challenge, but who is EAGER for it, who welcomes it...WELL that is a man worth my time. That man is priceless.

And now Afghaniman is back from Afghanistan.....

This is a shitty time in my life to get involved in any way with someone new. I'm a little twisted up from the past weeks and though I'm hoping my head will get straightened out pretty quickly, I don't feel great dragging someone new into that complicated mess. I also don't think it's smart to allow myself to get tied up in someone else's stuff.

I don't care.

If we can work something out and the stars align properly and whatever else, I'll forge ahead with this anyway because I FUCKING WANT TO. Because he is unique and worthwhile. Because I want to have the experience of him. Because I am seizing the day and grabbing opportunity as it presents itself. Because I FUCKING WANT TO. There. How's that?

Otherwise, I'm untangling my life and trying to make things less complicated. 


But YOU....YOU are welcome into my life; I want you to complicate me....