I GRIEVE

Freefalling into love
I took a leap of faith
I grabbed for your hand when you said "Jump"
And realized I was falling alone.

A failing love is like desperately
hanging on to something precious;
not wanting to give up,
Your hands feel the pain.
when you finally let go,
you're free from pain,
but you find your hands are empty.

I cannot beg you to stay
when you want to leave.
I don't have the power
to control the heart of another

Deep in my heart, I'm suffering,
knowing I've lost you.
On the outside  I'm living,
pretending that I've forgotten you,
But inside I'm dying.

I just want one day to go by
where I'm not just pretending
to be happy.

I could fill a thousand pages
telling you how I felt
and still you would not understand.
So now I leave without a sound,
except that of my heart shattering
as it hits the ground.

Every morning I wish for night
for it is only then
in the depth of my dreams
that I can still feel you.
Arms around me
Hands on my face
Your body my protection
From all the pain
It's heaven on earth
How the night tortures me!

You'll never understand why I hurt so much
because you're not the one who is crying,
you're not the one left behind,
you're not the one who loved too much,
you're not the one who is holding on to something that is gone...

You don't have to let it slip away but you want to,
I don't want to let it slip away but I have to.


Fate has played me for a fool
if we are not meant to be together
but letting me fall so hard anyway
Heart on my sleeve
For all to see.
How I let my heart lead me here
I'll never know
Heart and mind
Collide
Mind says "HIDE"
Heart says "MINE"
Heart wins
I bring you into me,
open up myself to you
everything laid out in front of you
you see everything I have inside
and you run.

I should have known.
What I have inside
Is too much
Is too hard
Is too wild
Too much for you to take
So you run.

Your heart said yes
But your mind said no
I deserve better than this.
My heart is pure
Complete
With no falsehood
No agenda
Only to love you
To hold you
To be with you
Not to change you
Or waste you
Or hurt you
Just to know you
I want to know what is there inside of you
Who you are
All you are
Rejoice in you every day in some new way
Fool.
I am a fool.
I'm a fool for what I wanted.
Thinking I deserved you.
That I deserved to feel that good.

I do not have the energy
To move on.
I've had to do it so many times before
I cannot do it again. I want to stay
Mired in you
I know I have to go
But I can't let go
Of thoughts of you
Of what will never be
Of the path not taken
Of dreams broken
Of joy not shared
Of tears not spared
Of what I dreamed could be
But won't
Years of admiration and adoration
Broken
In one simple word
No.

How hard it will be to move on.
I will need time to dwell in this place that you are
In my heart
To feel what I feel
To let it be real
To let it see the light of day
Before I pack it all away
Just know you can unfold me again
With just a word
Yes.
With just one breath
One touch
One look
And I am yours.